Life is But a Dream
by HaleKent
Summary: Buffy remembers her past, but some of the details have changed. She knows things are different, and even though she tries to change it, she knows that no matter what she does, she can't change it. Or can she? :) Season two, takes place from Innocence to the end of the season. Canon-ish. Finished.


_This one was different. I had this same dream reoccurring for months now.  
It's all so strange. The people are the same, but it's not right._

_I know how it's supposed to happen. I turn Angel evil. He stalks and threatens my family, friends, and me. He tries to end the world, and then I send him to Hell. Not now._

_I remember seeing them: Giles, Willow, Xander, Oz, Mom, Angel, Spike, and Drusilla, but it was all different._

* * *

I watched in horror as Angel, the man—vampire—I love mocked me. He mocked my innocence and naivety. He was my first love in so many ways, and yet, I hated him for the words he spoke.

"You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro." I just stared at him in shock. He couldn't be the same person... "It was a good time. Alright? It doesn't mean like we have to make a big deal."

I heard myself saying it before I meant to stop it. "It _is_ a big deal." I knew this was how it was supposed to be, what I was supposed to say. The emotions were even there. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop his hurtful words.

"It's what? Bells ringing, fireworks, a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies? Come on, Buffy. It's not like I've never been there before."

"Don't touch me," I hissed. I think that was me—the real me—busting through.

"I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it."

"Angel! I love you," I coughed on the words. They burned in my throat, and I hated it. I hated him.

"Love you, too." At least he wasn't lying. I knew he loved me, and that he always would. I couldn't say the same for myself though. "I'll call you." Yep. Still not a lie.

I stumbled home, wondering how I had made it back here. This wasn't my time. Not my place. I knew I wasn't from here, but I had no one to turn to, no one to talk to. When I finally made it home, Mom didn't notice anything different about me. I didn't know what to tell her. How could I say, "Oh yeah, I slept with my vampire boyfriend. It made him lose his soul and now he's all crazy. Oh, and by the way, I'm a Slayer. I go out at night to kill demons and vampires and such so everyone of the world can sleep easy every night..." That'd be a wonderful conversation.

I did call Willow. She knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what to tell her either.

Finally, I went to see Giles, but Jenny stopped me. She asked me if I had slept with him. I told her I did. There was no point in lying. She'd get everything sorted out soon enough. I just had to last through the next few weeks.

"Ms. Calendar," I said, as she was about to leave me, "something's not right. I—This isn't supposed to happen." She thought I was talking about Angel losing his soul.

"I know, Buffy. It's horrible, but I know how to fix it." She started walking away, and I knew I had to stop her.

"He's going to kill you."

She stopped then. Slowly, she looked at me with wide eyes. "Who?"

"Angelus." Her eyes went even bigger. I had pretended not to know that name earlier. There was no use in pretending now. If I could stop her from dying, maybe things could be different.

"How do you know?"

"I'm not from this time. I must be from the future. I've already experienced this once, and I really don't want to do it again. So please, if you know how to re-soul him, do it soon. The magic shop has the supplies. Willow can read it. Just do it soon." And with that, I left. Forget going to see Giles. I had a vampire to see.

* * *

I carefully entered the warehouse, keeping downwind and quiet. Spike was injured, or at least pretending to be. Drusilla was able to feed on her own, and they were about to find out that Angel was now Angelus. Super.

I listened to him gloat about being back, and a part of my heart broke once more. I was embarrassed that I trusted him, and that I had fallen in love with him. I hate that I let us make love. At first, I didn't regret it, but now, I did. There was someone else I loved now, but that's a different story for a different time.

I waited until Angel swept Drusilla into his arms and carried her off into the night. I could not save the ones they were going to take. I watched as Spike ordered the minions from the room before he stood and kicked his wheelchair away from him. I could see the anger radiating through him, and now I could see—no. No time for that.

I smiled and jumped from the balcony I was hiding on. It made him jump in surprise, and he immediately went into his defensive mode. "Oi! What d'ya want, Slayer?"

"I'm here to make a deal with you."

"A deal? Sorry, Slayer, but I think you've been hit just one too many times. Me? Make a deal with you? Ya off ya rocker."

"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving him off. I sat atop the wooden table that ran the length of the room. I saw his eyes rake over my black jeans and tank top, staring intently at the silver cross at my collarbone, but I kept silent. I could feel his eyes on me, waiting for my next move. "Look, I know Angel and Drusilla are planning to end the world. Anyone with two ears and a brain could have heard you talking just a minute ago. He's going to go after Acathala."

"What about the Judge?" he chuckled.

"I kill him."

"Not an army—"

"Yeah, not an army could kill him. But that was hundreds of years ago. Thing is, back then, there weren't bazookas, so, I'm not all that worried," I said with a shrug. I felt the strap of my top fall off my shoulder, but I still didn't move.

He laughed. I never—at this point—heard him laugh like that before. "I guess they never thought of that," he said, looking at his burnt hand.

"No reason to, I suppose," I said as I stared at him. Even with the burns that covered his face, he was still—

"So, why come to me? You think I don't want to end the world, too?" He sauntered forward, and I jumped off the table.

I came dangerously close to him, and I could feel the hairs on my neck go on ends. I would never be scared of this vampire, ironic as that may be. "You don't. You like the world the way it is. You like the all of the walking Happy Meals." I placed one hand on his duster and ran it up his chest. I kept myself from smiling as his eyes widened and his breath quickened illogically. "You like the risk of facing me. You like not knowing what's going to happen next. And you especially like being alive. Living in hell, being tortured, it's not really your thing." I could feel his breath on my face, and it smelled strongly of whiskey and cigarettes.

He brought his good hand to the mine, the one touching him, and he wrapped his fingers around my wrist. He could feel my pulse responding to him, and I knew that made him curious. I still said nothing, not even when his grip tightened, and it started to ache.

"You sound like you know me, Slayer. But you know what? I could kill you. Right here. Right now," he threatened. "Angelus might be pissed, but I really don't care. I've wanted this—you—for entirely too long."

I pulled myself away. He let go, albeit reluctantly, and stared at me. "You're going to have to wait a little longer," I whispered. "So, what is it? Are you going to agree with my truce or not?"

"What d'I get if I do?"

"I don't kill you. You don't kill me. Until we're enemies again."

"What about Angelus? Dru?"

"I don't care what you do with Dru. If she survives, get her out of Sunnydale, or I'll kill her. As far as Angelus, he's mine." I turned and started to walk away.

"How'd you do it? Make 'im lose his soul?" he asked when I was almost at the door.

"I loved him."

* * *

Great. I had to kiss him. Why, oh why, did I have to get sucked into that stupid spell again? I always hated that. Stupid 50s people. Why did you have to go and fall in love with each other? Everyone knew you could never be together. It was wrong then, and it's wrong now.

At least I got the satisfaction of shooting him, though no one else knew that I was glad about that.

I knew it was almost Ms. Calendar's time to die. I didn't want her to, but she was going so slowly with that stupid spell. I know Willow was the one who finally figured it out, but Jenny wouldn't let her see it.

So, what could I do? I tried to tell my friends, but they wouldn't listen to me. I don't know why, but they wouldn't. What could I do? I vented to Spike and killed the few demons that dared approach me.

"Stupid," I said as I punched some no name angry demon, "freaking," roundhouse kick, "vampires." I said, snapping the demon's neck. I relaxed just a moment as the body slumped to the ground. Just a millisecond later, I was in a chokehold by a leather-clad arm.

"We're not all that bad, pet," a whispered in my ear. I smiled as I listened to his familiar voice. I managed to prevent the shiver from running up my spine but not the quickening of my pulse. "Happy to see me, love?"

"In your dreams," I laughed, flipping him onto the ground easily.

"Careful, Slayer," he said, straining to stand "Haven't got all my strength back yet."

"You'll heal soon enough," I said, lowering my hand to help him back to his feet. He took it, and jumped to his feet, landing just an inch in front of me. "Faker," I laughed, pushing him away.

"I'm good at pretending..." He took his usual spot next to me, and we quietly fell into our routine. He knew where Angelus and Drusilla were going, and we made sure to keep two steps ahead of them. We made sure the people were out of sight and safe before they hit the area. Not sure why they didn't recognize our scent.

"Didn't know you were good at anything," I teased.

"Good at lots of things. Fightin', dancin', singin', snoggin', makin' love," he said as he cocked an eyebrow, and curled his tongue behind his teeth.

"Uh huh," I dismissed.

"So, what's the ponce done now?" he asked after being quiet for a moment.

"He snuck into Willow's room and killed her fish. I don't think it's the fact he killed her fish that really scared her. It's the fact he snuck into her room. He did the same to me and mom. Snuck into our rooms, I mean. He left us these." I unfolded a few pieces of paper from my jacket, and I handed them to him.

I was angry, this time and last. We felt violated, and I hated that feeling.

I was angry, but not like he seemed to be. He calmly handed the drawings back to me, and I tossed them into the nearest trashcan.

He was silent again until we entered an alley. Suddenly, he pushed me against the wall and glared at me. I was about to ask what the hell he thought he was doing, but the look on his face told me not to even think about opening my mouth. I stood there as he paced in front of me while I tried to understand why he was so upset.

Finally, he stopped and faced me. His eyes were ablaze with anger. I loved seeing that look in his eyes. "How could you be so stupid!" he exclaimed. "I told you to de-invite him! I told where to find that spell! How could you not have garlic hanging about? Or—or crosses everywhere? What is wrong with you?" he asked, pressing his face curiously close to mine.

"He didn't do anything except stalk us. He could have killed me, but he didn't!"

"Yet," he whispered. That one, quietly spoken word hit me deeper than I expected. His eyes changed from their fiery anger, and now looked sad, and dare I say, scared.

"What's it matter to you? Our truce has nothing to do with him killing me. What does it matter?"

He backed up as if I had hit him. The anger reignited and he glared at me once again. "It matters." He turned away and walked off.

* * *

Angelus killed Ms. Calendar, again. I couldn't stop it, even when I warned her. I was able to stop him from setting Giles up for utter heartbreak. We finally managed to disinvite him from all of our houses. Willow had even found a few silencing and disillusionment spells so that they couldn't see or hear into our houses.

I hadn't talked with Spike lately, but I knew the time was coming for me to face Angelus and Acathla. It would be so much easier this time. Absolutely no remorse in stabbing him. I wouldn't even convince Willow to re-soul him.

I walked home after talking with Giles. He told me to kill the bastard, and I knew I could. Angelus had followed me. I didn't banter with him, but I happily slammed the door in his face. As long as we were in one of our five houses, we were safe. We all carried crosses now, and I escorted Mom to and from work. She promised me she wouldn't go out or invite anyone in unless I approved them. She didn't really like me being a Slayer, but after I explained that we were in danger, and that I was the one to save the world, she understood a bit better.

The next night, after I made sure everyone was safe, and that Mom had successfully gotten to Los Angeles, I patrolled, and came across three very disgusting looking demons. I don't know what they were, but they were ugly and strong. And apparently one of them had claws. I didn't really notice until part of my sleeve shimmied down my arm, and then I could feel a breeze on my knee.

"Just fantastic," I said, swinging my axe toward the creature. "These were my favorite jeans!" I managed to slice one of their heads off, and it managed to get its yellow-brownish blood across my shirt. "And I really liked this shirt!" I exclaimed, chopping off another's arm. It growled angrily at me and was capable of hitting me sharply in the back of the head.

Immediately I panicked. I knew I couldn't go down now. I had too much to worry about to be killed by a few renegade demons. I know I had blacked out, but I didn't know how long I was out. I opened my eyes, hating that everything looked blurry. I tried to focus, but my head just hurt so badly. But I had to focus, so I forced myself to. I knew I was moving, but I didn't know how that was possible. I heard a familiar voice calling to me, and strong arms around me.

"...yer!" the voice called. I felt us bounce as we moved. We were running. Well, it was running. I was being held. "Slayer! Can you hear me?"

"Yeah," I muttered.

"You alright?"

"Uh..." I said as he slowed down. "Take me home." He was quiet as we headed toward my home.

"What d'ya want me to do?" he asked. I looked around and saw that we were on my porch.

"Um... What happened? To those demons?"

"Killed 'em. Saw you fightin', and ya looked a bit preoccupied." My eyes were closed again, and I really wanted to just fall asleep where I was. "You gonna let me in?" he half-joked. I could hear the curiosity in his voice. This was it. He was asking if I trusted him.

"You're welcome to come in my house, Spike," I told him, looking up to him. His blue eyes shone brightly and a smile almost flitted across his face. He shifted me slightly and I heard him turn the knob and open the door. He braced himself as he took a step forward, and sighed when he passed through easily. "Just don't make me regret that," I joked.

"Never," he said sincerely. He just stared at me, and I wanted to know so desperately what he was thinking. "Can you walk?"

"Oh. Um, I don't know." He carefully set me down and as soon as I tried to take a step, I fell forward. "Nope," I chuckled painfully. "Ow."

"How about we get you upstairs and cleaned up?" For the first time, I looked down at my thrashed clothes and agreed wholeheartedly.

"Upstairs. Last room on the left. It's mom's room, but her bathroom is bigger," I said groggily.

"Right," he said as he slipped an arm around my waist and hoisted me up the stairs. I sat on the edge of the massive tub and turned on the water. I added some bubbly soap and tried to take my shoes off. I reached down and actually cried out when I felt a sharp pain in my side.

Spike rushed to my side and kept me upright. I muttered my thanks and tried again. "Let me," he said quietly. Slowly, he slid a hand down my tattered pants and removed my boot easily. He tugged my shirt off, and I was surprised that his eyes didn't wander to inappropriate places. I stood—more like leaned against him—as he pulled my pants down. He even turned around as I pulled my underwear off. I slipped into the tub and groaned as the water touched my open wounds. "What's wrong?"

"Open wounds plus water. It's just a lot painful," I told him. "Will you go into the other bathroom and grab my toiletries? My room is right across the hall, and it's in there." He nodded and left me in the tub. I tried to wrap my head around the new events. Spike was helping me bathe in 1998. That's just so bizarre.

He walked back in caring a handful of things. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, even a loofa... "I wasn't sure what all to bring, so I brought everything." He placed them on the edge of the tub, keeping his eyes well above me.

"Thank you," I said, grabbing the loofa and body wash. I poured some on, carefully watching him. He sat on the toilet and refused to look at me. "Can you hand me that clip?" I asked, pointing to a plastic hair clip that was sitting next to the sink. He handed it to me, and I wrapped my hair up. "Spike, are you okay?"

"Fine," he said, looking at his hands.

"Why won't you look at me?" I asked, sitting up a bit.

"You're... indecent," he said quietly.

I couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sure it's not anything you haven't seen before." Still, nothing. I finished and asked him for a towel. I let the water out and held onto him as he helped me stand.

"We need to clean those," he said, pointing to the scratch marks on my leg and opposite arm and the massive bruise on my side. They were still bleeding, and I hadn't even noticed.

"Just help me into my room, and I can do it. No need to make you suffer," I said, holding the towel tightly around my chest.

"Don't think so," he chuckled. "Where's the first aid?" he asked as he sat me on my bed.

"Bottom drawer, left side," I told him, pointing to my desk. He opened the drawer and brought out the antiseptic and bandages. Gingerly, he dabbed at the wounds. "So, what kind of demons were those?"

"Garphalack. Usually not too bad, but for some reason, they liked you," he chuckled.

I had to laugh at that. "Well, if they liked me any more than this, I think I'd be mincemeat." He laughed too, and I marveled at the rare occurrence.

He wrapped my leg and upper arm into clean bandages, and he seemed to be very intent on making sure I wasn't hurting. "You alright?"

"Just sore," I admitted. He helped me up so I could get fresh clothes, and was the perfect gentleman the entire time. I dressed as quickly as I could into an oversized shirt and some old sweatpants. "Spike... What's going on? What's wrong?" I finally asked, staring fully into his eyes.

"Not—"

"Don't say nothing, or anything like it!" I exclaimed.

He sighed and bowed his head. "This whole truce thing is just... It's strange. I know spending time with you wasn't part of the deal, but I've felt the need to protect you. I can't let Angelus win. I hate that bastard for so many reasons, and everything he's doing now is just making it worse. They don't notice I'm missing anymore. I don't see how they can't smell you scent on me after we're together... Slayer..."

"I have a name," I said, lying back onto my bed. I closed my eyes and waited for him to continue. When he didn't say anything, I opened my eyes. "Spike?" He just stared at me. I tried to sit up, but faltered and cried out in pain. That brought him out of his haze. He was at my side instantaneously.

"What's wrong? What is it?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I hissed through the pain.

"Liar," he smiled. "Think you've got a broken rib or two."

"Yeah, I think so, too." He helped me lie back straight so my ribs could heal throughout the night. He had a hand under my sore side and one by my face. His chest was close to mine, and I could feel his breath on my face. He smelled deliciously. "Spike," I whispered, closely watching his face... His eyes... His lips...

"Buffy," he muttered, watching me in the same way. I used my good hand to slide it up his chest and to his burnt cheek. He slightly moved back, but my hand stayed put. Finally, I hooked it around to the back of his neck, and lightly played with the small, soft hairs there. He closed his eyes and leaned into me, and I could only smile. I pulled him to me and pressed my lips to his. I was so happy that he didn't even hesitate to respond.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. I didn't care though. It was amazing.

Abruptly, he pulled away and stared at me like that wasn't supposed to happen. "That was..."

"Please don't say 'a mistake,'" I murmured so quietly that it felt like a thought.

"Never," he grinned, kissing me again. "I was going to say that was bloody marvelous. Don't know what that idiot could do without that." I smiled, leaned back into my bed. After a few minutes of silence, I shifted slightly. "Am I hurting you?"

"No... Okay, a little," I smiled.

"I should go..." he said, standing to leave.

"Please, don't." He looked at me with big eyes. "I mean, I got hit on the head, right? Don't I need to stay awake or something?" He nodded and smiled. He looked over and grabbed my desk chair to sit in. "Spike... Hold me?"

* * *

Willow, Oz, and Xander were in the hospital, and it was my fault. I let them get hurt. They were doing the re-souling spell, but they were interrupted—by Angelus no less. Oz had put up a good fight, being part werewolf and all. He thought he had managed to snap Angelus' neck, but it hadn't been that way. Oz had only stunned him. Angelus had broken Xander's arm, Oz's leg, gave Willow a concussion, and Giles was kidnapped. There was only one thing left to do, and I knew what it was.

I grabbed the massive sword Giles never let me touch. It felt like pure instinct that I knew how to use it. Mom didn't try to stop me from going to kill him. She didn't tell me that if I were to leave, not to come back. That was something I had always wished she wouldn't have said.

I ignored how Spike would watch me from his wheelchair as Angelus and I bantered. Until Angel said one thing, "You think I'm stupid?" in which I answered, "Yeah."

I couldn't help it. But Spike laughed, and that seemed to be the final straw. "I know you two were together!" he accused, pointing a finger at me and glaring at him. "I tried to follow you, but I never managed to see you together. I never realized that he could actually walk!"

Spike smiled and stood from his chair easily. Drusilla gasped and backed away from her former lover. The look on her face was one of pure horror, as if his lying to her was the worst thing imaginable. I could think of far crueler. "Daddy," she said in a child-like voice. She walked toward Angelus, who didn't pay her any mind. "My Knight told us falseness... Punish him! I can see it now! The light... it surrounds him. The sunshine is in him..." She collapsed to the floor and started wailing.

All I could do was roll my eyes and try not kill her. "Shut up, Dru,"Angelus said harshly.

"So, are we going to talk all night? Or are we going to fight?" I said, tired of this mindless drabble.

"I didn't come here to fight." I'm not sure the look I gave him, but I think I may have looked at him like he was being a dumbass. "I was hoping we could get back together. What do you think? Do we have a shot? I mean, you seem to have such a thing for vampires."

"Yeah, I do. Too bad I made the mistake of being with you first," I said, winking to Spike who only smiled like a kid at Christmas.

"Alright. We'll fight." And we did. Swords clanged together, kicks landed, and punches were thrown. It all ended the same as I remember. Except, Angelus never turned back into Angel. I don't know what happened to Drusilla. But Spike stood behind me, ready to jump in whenever I needed him. I didn't, but I knew I would win. I already had once before. I smiled grimly as I ran the sword through his stomach. He looked at me in pain, but an eerie smile managed to seep through.

I turned away from the closed mouth statue and was immediately embraced by my handsome, Spike. "So wonderful," he said. "Amazing, brilliant, resilient..." He kissed me deeply, and I lost all thought for the next few moments. As he pulled away, he looked to the menacing gargoyle that was placed behind me. "What're we going to do with Ugly?"

I looked around and found my axe. I handed it over and said, "Be my guest." Spike took it without hesitation, and swung it violently. He sliced it diagonally, from shoulder to hip, even breaking the sword that was in its gut. He threw it down, and sauntered over to me.

"Now what, Slayer?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"We live," I smirked. We walked out of the mansion, hand in hand, and as I looked back one last time, one thought passed through my mind.

I'll always hate Angelus.

* * *

_I woke up easily. It was strange. I was so used to jumping awake, or to someone/something waking me. But it was on my own. I felt like I had been asleep for days._

_Looking around the room, I knew something wasn't right. Lights were too bright and felt artificial. There was a strange scent in the air, and I was really cold._

_"She's awake!" a familiar voice said close to me. My eyes focused on the person, and I smiled as I recognized Willow._

_"Hey," I rasped._

_"Hey," Xander replied as he and Dawn approached my other side._

_"How long have I been out?" I asked, straining to sit. Immediately, I felt a hand at my back and knew who it was. Spike smiled and helped me up easily._

_"Couple days, pet. We were startin' to get worried." _

_Xander scoffed and Willow and Dawn giggled. I felt like I was left out of some joke. "What?" I asked._

_"It was really sweet, but that's all he's done is worry. I mean, we all have, but he's been pacing, and pestering the doctors. All of them said that you'd wake up when you were ready," Dawn said._

_"How'd I—"_

_"After we made it out of Sunnydale, and got to LA, you had passed out. Loss of blood. Everyone was amazed we made it out of the sink hole," Xander replied. _

_Everything hit me and I leaned against the pillows for support. Of course, Spike was there, asking if I was all right and if there was anything he could do. I gave him a small smile and shook my head. I think we were making googily eyes at each other or something, because Xander and Willow excused themselves, leaving us alone in the quiet hospital room. "What is it, love?" he finally asked. _

_"Just processing, really... I dreamt. A really long one."_

_"About what?" he asked, stroking my cheek lovingly._

_I leaned forward and captured his lips with my own. I don't know how I ever thought the dream him was enough. I don't know how long it had been since I had really kissed him, but nothing could compare to him now. "I missed you," I said, running my fingers through his hair. "I missed how much you smelled like whiskey, and cigarettes, and leather. I missed how you make me feel and how amazing you can kiss..."_

_He looked astonished. I know I told him I loved him just a couple days ago, and he still looks at me like I'm crazy. "Buffy... what—"_

_"I love you. I do. I have for an extremely long time. I can't help that I'm stubborn," I laughed. "Spike, you're just so completely amazing. I never deserved to have you love me. I just so happy you do." He was quiet. He just stared at me. "I mean, if you still do. I understand if you don't."_

_He grabbed me around my shoulders and hugged me tightly. He pulled away and kissed my forehead before pressing his to it. His face gleamed and he gently kissed my nose, my cheeks, and my lips lightly. "Of course, I love you, you silly woman. You mean everything to me!"_

_"I'm so sorry. For everything. I was so horrible to you, and that amazes me even more. Thank you."_

_"I'd do anything for you, love."_

_"Does that mean we can leave now?" I asked, extremely hopeful_

_"I'll see what I can do," he said as he stood. He leaned down and kissed my forehead. He was almost to the door whenever he turned and looked at me. "So, what was that dream about?"_

_I smiled and looked at my hands. I looked up. I looked into his bright, astonishingly blue eyes, and I had never felt so happy. "How things should have been," I answered._

_I know how it's supposed to happen. I kill evil. Sometimes, they stalk and threaten my family, friends, and me. They try to end the world, and then I send them to Hell. That's just how it is. And it'll take a lot more than them to kill me._


End file.
